FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
