I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
