There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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