that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
