Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think I sprained my soul last night
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
