i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
