The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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