btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
