Don't make out with my wife yet
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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