Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize