Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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