You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
