yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
