I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
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Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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