DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
