i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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