i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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