I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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