sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
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