Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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