my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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