New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
