Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
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You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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