It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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