Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
