so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
