im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
