OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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