Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
