Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
