dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
