dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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