I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
