Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
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He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
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He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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