And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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