I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
