Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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