he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
