but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
