nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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