final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
