I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
