yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
