M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
