Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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