Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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