I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
