How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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