Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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