If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
