Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
