i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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