Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
