I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize