It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
