I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
