It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
