when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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