last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
