Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
