Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
As shirtless as possible
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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