Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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