I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
a search helicopter?!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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